...My long lost friend! Shh. Don't speak. (I'm holding up my finger to your lips... play along here.) I know I haven't been around lately, and I know I haven't been treating you like you deserve. Or even like I said I would thousands and thousands of times before. I'm sorry. I know I've been distant... not wanting to be around you. I'm sorry. Sometimes I get these thoughts and feelings that I don't know what to do with them and it's just easier to pull into myself and hold it all in. Are you mad? Can you forgive me?
Ok, now that the groveling is out of the way! Apparently, I am fantastic about setting goals (weekly blogging ring a bell anyone?) and breaking them all to shit. Sure feels good to find out what you are good at in life! Am I right??
I find that as much as I love this blog and want to write like every day, and like, share like all my thoughts and feelings.... that is the same reason that I don't. I feel a little like this blog has tuned me in to myself and I've finally register the amount of crazy that is me... and I don't know if that is a level of crazy I'm willing to accept. Or flaunt. I'm so worried about what people are going to think about me, or say about me, or judge me, that I end up just not writing anything at all, when in reality I have loads of stuff to write about. I just choose not to. Somewhere, the professional bloggers and hipsters are sitting with their laptops and $5 coffees with a thought bubble saying "why in the hell did you even start a blog?". BECAUSE, you snotty hipsters, I like writing. I like words. I like stories. I. Like. Writing.
I think I might just have my head too far up my own ass to really let go, but I'm not willing to give it up. I still want to write and say what I want and have that be that. So much has gone on this last month; I kinda sorta wish I had wrote about some of it. We are still waiting on the house (that has been just a freakin' blast dont-cha-know!). Short sales still blow... but hopefully this week or next we'll finally get our offer from the bank and being able to go into closing. Now I feel like the waiting on the house is putting my life on hold. (OMG was that a feeling? That I just wrote about? I think i might vomit...). And we all just know how MUCH I love thinking and feeling that something other than myself is controlling or dictating my life. Eff that ish. I'm just ready to get this damn show on the road. Like a traveling circus. Or not. Whatever. I don't care. I have come to realize though, in this last month, I am the most impatient bitche you will ever meet. EVAH.
I'd say I promise to write again soon, but that will work about as well as shoving a square peg through a round hole.
