Dear Diary/Journal/Blog/No One,
Today was day 5 without eating fast food. Only day 5... it's not like I'm doing anything spectacular here. I am one of those people when told not to do something or told I can't have something, then that is the thing I want to do the most. The thing I think about the most. Well... from my own doing, I can't stop thinking about fast food. I don't even hardly eat this stuff! But, now it's allll I think about, for most of the day. Yesterday three people in the office had Taco Bell and when I went downstairs OH EM GEE did it smell good. I instantly wanted it. This is terrible! I know I won't always feel like this, but when will this obsessive thinking about it stop? I hate this.
Today wasn't much better. I don't know what happened this morning, but I just could not get my shit together in time. It didn't feel like I was taking an overly long shower or anything, but before I knew it it was time to go. I wasn't even dressed! I rushed around knocking this over, spilling that over... I ran downstairs and realized I left all my gym clothes upstairs. Back upstairs I go. Grab my clothes and back downstairs, it's 7:58! I'm supposed to be at work at 8. I texted my boss that I was running late, she texted back "haha so am I, no problem!". Phew. I put a k-cup in my Keuring and get some coffee... spill that on my hand. I go to leave and the fish tank is still dark, meaning I didn't feed them. So I turn the lights on and give them breakfast. I go to make my lunch and it's already 8:10... I have GOT to go. I grab a packet of pop-tarts and run out the door, making it to work by 8:20.
I felt horrible. There was no reason for me to be late to work, I felt so guilty. My boss was really understanding, I walked to her office as soon as I got there and said "I made it!" and she laughed and was totally fine with it.
In all my crazyness this morning, I did not make myself a lunch. I had to get to work. I knew walking out the door this was a bad, bad idea and just setting myself up to fail. I ate my pop-tarts in the early morning, but I knew they wouldn't be enough. So for lunch I went to Subway. With all of their healthier options and the whole "Jared-from-Subway-guy", I figured it was a better option. I still didn't want to do it, but I knew I wasn't going to make it until I got home AFTER working out. Please, working out after not eating all day? That spells passing out! I got a 6-inch Turkey Melt on Wheat. It was delicious. I don't regret eating it, but I really, really regret having an off morning and not making my lunch this morning. I know it's better and easier for me to bring food with me. I love left overs, we have stuff for sandwiches, frozen burritos... I have all the stuff here that I need.
I don't count Subway as fast food. When I think fast food, I think McDonalds, Taco Bell, Wendys, Burger King, things like that. I honestly do not believe that I ate fast food today. I still don't feel good or happy about it, but I at least still haven't eaten fast food.
I'm mainly upset that it's only 5 days in and I've already messed up. I couldn't even make it a full week. It sucks. I will not let this get me down. I will not quit. I will not dwell on this.
"Let the rain of today, wash away the pain of yesterday".
Thanks Diary/Journal/Blog/No One for listening, and not saying one judgmental word to me about it.
Hey, we are all entitled to have slip up days! Although I would have to say that subway is a much better option then a pop tart =). You are doing good, instead of telling yourself you can't have fast food, tell yourself that you can have it another day, that is what I do, because I am the same way if I tell myself no then all I think of is that thing I said no too! Keep up the good work girly!
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